The politics of the workplace have not ventured very far from the power struggles of the playground. Women, it seems, are packing their childhood baggage and toting it to the office along with their briefcases. Researchers believe that from an early age girls are socialized to be nice but they tacitly understand that backstabbing, malicious gossip and shunning are highly effective ways to get what they want and to assert their place in the social hierarchy. “Women have to let go of some of that childish behaviour if they want to succeed and be the winners at the office,” says Gail Evans, a former CNN executive and author of She Wins, You Win: The Most Important Rule Every Businesswoman Needs to Know.

In her 40-year career, Evans never worked for a woman. When she became the first female executive vice-president at CNN in 1987, she recognized that she was a role model. She attributes much of her own success to her willingness to mentor other women climbing the corporate ladder, something she notices most women are not naturally inclined to do. “What I see whenever I look inside companies is that women tend to view other women as being the ultimate competition,” she says. “Really successful women, by and large, are pretty all-embracing of both women and men, and we need to look at those role models and pattern ourselves after them and not after the people who are operating the way we did in high school.”

The way many North American companies are run, however, may foster bullying among women. Or so say Penelope W. Brunner and Melinda Costello, two U.S. management experts who study women at work. They are the authors of a paper called “When the Wrong Woman Wins: Building Bullies and Perpetuating Patriarchy.” Costello, an associate professor of marketing and management at Siena College in Loudonville, N.Y., says: “So often when we look at the background of the woman who is identified as the bully, she is not the most qualified person for that position … and so she feels very grateful to have that job.” As a result, these women feel threatened and keep other women in lower positions, effectively doing the dirty work for the men in the organization, she adds. “It maintains the status quo,” says Brunner, a former associate professor of marketing at the University of North Carolina at Asheville, now teaching in Armenia.

It would seem that not much has changed since Brunner and Costello started their own corporate careers in the 1970s, when ambitious women acquired the “power look” of men—short haircuts and big-shouldered suits—and acted as tough as nails in order to be taken seriously by male executives. Thirty years later, women are still missing the boat on healthy female power. “Why,” asks Costello, “are we hearing in our classes from both male and female students that they don’t want to work for older female bosses?” Sadly, women are creating their own glass ceiling by their behaviour. “A [woman] would never want to be called a bully or never want someone to hold up that mirror that says this might be abusive behaviour, because, gosh, we’re not supposed to be abusers, we are supposed to be nice people. So the real difference is in how hidden this is,” says Costello.

“It’s management by fear. It’s not only accepted, it’s preferred, but it’s an outdated view,” says Bernardi. Even so, she has found it difficult to convince companies that workplace bullying is a credible issue. “It’s like sexual harassment used to be seen. We’re not quite there yet in terms of understanding the issue. There’s a fear that there will be an increase in the number of complaints if it’s talked about, and will just open a can of worms.”

But bullying costs: employers in terms of high employee turnover, absenteeism, low productivity and disability payments. Yet employers still don’t feel compelled to address the problem. Other than in Quebec, which amended its Labour Code last year to make psychological harassment a punishable offence, there is no legislation in Canada that specifically covers bullying.

It also costs bullies. Leaders—progressive leaders who create winning teams aren’t bullies. “People really don’t want to deal with someone who’s going to push them around and constantly keep them on guard,” says Debra Pepler, a psychologist at Toronto’s York University and a leading researcher in the burgeoning field of childhood bullying. “We don’t serve young people well if we fail to intervene to redirect that leadership potential into more positive forms.” As young girls become professional women, the stakes become that much higher because, instead of losing their place in the “cool” group, their careers may be on the line.

When she encounters female bullies, Bernardi is reminded of TV’s Murphy Brown, who mowed through assistants on a daily basis with impunity. The all-too-true stereotype is even mirrored in the manufactured world of reality television. Donald Trump’s choice on the season finale of The Apprentice came down to a software executive and Westpoint graduate who was seen as lacklustre but consistent in stepping up to the plate, and a brash female lawyer with Ivy League credentials, slagged off by her competitors as an abrasive “fembot.” The decision came right down to the wire. Trump executive Carolyn Kepcher strongly advised hiring the man. Nagged by doubts about his leadership ability, Trump hired him anyway. Chalk another one up for the status quo.

Lynn Glazier directed the National Film Board of Canada documentary It’s a Girl’s World that
explores how girls use their power to hurt one another, and produced a companion three-hour
radio documentary series on social bullying among girls and women for CBC’s Ideas.

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